Post game wrap from LSU at ASU

My phone died during the game, so I couldn't get the post game audio up. I was going to do it later, but that would take away from the spirit of the almost-live almost-podcast.

But what happened the rest of the game?

Things got a little hairy at the start of the fourth quarter. Up to that point, ASU had played some solid ball, but then the Devils' special teams turned into special ed.

LSU's Claude Wroten blocked a field goal in such a way that the ball bounced up and landed perfectly in his hands. There was nothing but grass between him and the end zone.

At this point, an irate ASU fan (whose friends all seemed like pretty cool kids) threatened an applauding Steven. I think Steven was pretty freaked out by this, and I decided to move him to the end of the aisle, where he would have an escape and be in view of the police standing at the bottom of the stairs. Steven claimed he had caught a water bottle on the chin.

I told him it was less than he deserved.

Fourth and 5 on its next drive, ASU (in the worst call I think I've ever seen coach Dirk Koetter make) decided to fake a punt and run for a first. It was a sad and obvious fake, and LSU was all over it. The panicked punter tried to kick it away rather than get taken down, and he kicked it right into the hands of Jacob Hester, who ran it back for another easy LSU touchdown.

I spent the whole game complaining about greed, arrogance and a lack of respect. Early on, LSU went for it on fourth down twice, once deep in their own zone, and once when they were easily in field goal range.

But this was a chance for ASU to be the better man. With the lead against a team of LSU's caliber and a defense that has allowed only seven points, you don't fake a punt in that situation. You kick it away.

Steven couldn't handle this. The girl in front of him was teasing him that he should run away, although I think ASU fans (trashy as we all are) realize that touchdown was nobody's fault but our own.

I tried to tell Steven that he was safe, but he elected to spend the remainder of the game in witness protection.

ASU had another chance for the win late in the fourth, and they made a string of solid passes to move downfield. But then, Sam Keller decided to throw three straight passes to a double-covered Derek Hagan.

Although Hagan played like an all-American and set the ASU record for career receptions, LSU wasn't going to let him catch a ball. It was a heart wrenching anti-climax.

The aforementioned cops wouldn't let us exit the front end of the student section, so instead of leaving, most of the fans just stood there. A few applauded ASU's effort, others cried out in rage, but most of us just stood, mouths agape, in utter disbelief at the emotional rollercoaster our team had just derailed.

It took forever to get out of the stadium.

Fan awards:
Fan of the game goes to Keg Stand Champion. This guy looked like a shorter, stockier Jason Bateman, and he was wearing one of those maroon and gold poofy-hair hats. I guess it's called a wiglid. I should probably get one.

He had painted his face before the game, and sweated it off to the point where he looked like he was half blushing, half jaundiced.

But that didn't stop him from getting up on hid buddies' shoulders time and again, leading us in chants of "A-S-U!" Yeah, he only knew one chant, but, damn it, it was a good one.

Dishonorable mention to my buddy Mike, who allegedly threw up on a girl. He was sitting in a different section, so I didn't see it.


Next week we officially kick off the tailgate season! Don't forget to watch new Family Guy tonight!

Coming soon in BYN: more beans! How to save money on DVDs! Festive recipes for September! Mad Dawg's stealing my acronym idea! And Turbizzi struggles with a debilitating neurological disorder that causes him to type semicolons instead of apostrophes! Don;t miss it!