Funny office observation

BYN office humor wire

Here at Big Yellow Nasty, we take our jobs very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that there is nothing even remotely funny about the Big Yellow Nasty office culture or the behavior of Big Yellow Nasty employees, all of whom receive adequate pay and excellent benefits.

In our newsgathering, however, we often encounter reports of comical happenstance and funny ritual at other offices (not our office).

One such report involves people who bring their lunch to work. Hey, what's with people who bring their lunch to work?

More often than not, numerous food items dictate that these people bring some sort of container for - you guessed it - containing the items. A sandwich, perhaps? A Capri Sun?

Regardless of personal lunch item choice, the container of choice for offices (not our office) tends to be a soft, insulated cooler bag.

The purpose of the insulated cooler bag is to keep food cold when it cannot be refridgerated. Meats, for example, cheeses, mayonaises, beers and other things people bring to eat at work (not our work) can get downright rancid between 8 a.m. and lunch. And nobody likes a rancid mayonnaise!

The space-aged thermal insulation sure did the job in grade school, when Mom (not our Mom) would put those little blue ice packs in, and Snack Packs and Slim Jims (not our Snack Packs and Slim Jims) would stay as fresh as the day God made them (not our God).

But thermodynamic physicists have noted some inconsistencies in the use of these cooler bags around the office (not our office). Since the coolers are typically left on a counter or inside a cabinet while the cooler's owner is at home, the air inside the cooler bag is room temperature. When cold mayonnaise and meat is placed inside the bag, they absorb heat from the room temperature air.

The cooler bag is then placed inside a car, often a hot car, where it endures a grueling commute (Hey, what's with commutes?). Despite protection from the space-aged thermal insulation, the air absorbs still more heat.

By the time said worker gets to the office (not our office), the air inside the cooler bag is filled with warmish air, which is trapped inside by the space-aged thermal insulation. The air is significantly warmer than the air in the office fridge (not our office fridge).

As the cooly goodness of the fridge air attempts to cool the meat and mayonnaise, the space-aged insulation maintains a core temperature inside the cooler bag that is a few degrees cooler than the rest of the fridge. So, in addition to taking up ridiculous amounts of precious space in the office fridge (not our office fridge), it's making the mayonnaise rancid.

An old-timey lunch pail or stylish tin lunchbox would be much more effective.

Office efficiency experts (not our office efficiency experts) theorize that some employees use cooler bags to increase their rancid food intake, thus allowing them to utilize all their sick days before the end of the calendar year (Hey, what's with sick days?).

That's why here at the Big Yellow Nasty office (our office), we are required to bring lunches in an old-timey pail and place them in an old Coleman Cooler (our office fridge), which looks like it hasn't been cleaned in a while (Hey, what's with cleaning the office fridge? I mean, they're always threatening to throw everything away, but the fridge is always full! What gives, office?).