Banned Books Week

BYN update

To celebrate Banned Books Week, I added a graphic in the right rail with a link to the American Library Association's Banned Books Week page.

It's interesting stuff, and evidence to support Harry Potter critics - the ones who say the Harry Potter series is losing its touch. Poor Harry didn't make the top-10 list for most challenged books for 2004, ending the subversive and satanic fantasy's 5-year run.

The problem is that every time I try burning my Harry Potter books, they don't burn. They just glow with secret inscriptions in the language of Mordor.

Whoops! Looks like I'm getting my subversive and satanic fantasy books mixed up.

But seriously, folks, check out the Banned Books Week stuff.

Coyote ugly

BYN sports wire

Bad news for mullet fans everywhere, notoriously long-haired hockey player Mike Ricci is sporting a new 'do.

According to the Arizona Republic:

Ricci's once famous shoulder-length hair is now ear-length.

He altered his locks for the aforementioned film[an upcoming movie about the life of hockey legend Maurice "Rocket" Richard], but don't worry, that semi-toothless face hockey fans and players either love or hate looks exactly the same.

Will the new-look Ricci do great things for the Coyotes, or will the ugliest man in hockey suffer the fate of the biblical Samson?

BYN Sports Services has only one piece of advice for the notorious ladies' man who is loved and hated in equal measure by hockey fans nationwide: grow it back, Mike! Grow it back!

Too good not to blog

While I'll refrain from making too many jokes about it (despite the fact that it's one of the funniest news items I've ever read), you have to check out this juicy story from America's heartland.

I've linked it, but I'm also including the text of the story, just in case Kansas.com plans on taking it down one day. But since I really have no right to republish the story, I'd like you to please read it on their site. Here it is:

Dance-off led to rumble

BY STAN FINGER

The Wichita Eagle

It sounded like something out of a teen competition movie such as "Drumline" or "Bring it On."

But the brawl that broke out Saturday night at McAdams Park following a spontaneous "dance-off" wasn't a movie scene, and police and city officials on Monday were sorting through the aftermath that left one person hurt and two others -- a mother and a son -- facing criminal charges.

"This is a whole new arena" of crime, said Lt. Jeff Easter of the Wichita Police Department's gang and felony assault section.

The Dynamic Steppers, a local drill team, was practicing routines at McAdams Park near 13th and I-135 on Saturday night when members of another drill team, the White Tigers, showed up and challenged the others to what was described as a "dance-off," police said.

When it became clear the challengers were losing, Easter said, a 28-year-old woman struck a 17-year-old drummer with the Dynamic Steppers in the face with a drum stick. The teen, who had left the White Tigers recently to join the Dynamic Steppers, retaliated by punching her in the face. He then ran toward his Ford Explorer and tried to run over spectators with it, witnesses told police.

The boy's mother, who served as a coach of the Dynamic Steppers, grabbed a box cutter and sliced the other woman's right arm, Easter said. The wound required eight stitches.

An estimated 50 people were involved in the altercation, although only two people were facing charges on Monday.

The mother was booked on suspicion of aggravated battery for cutting the other woman, Easter said, and the son faces charges of simple assault and aggravated assault.

Police said additional charges are possible.

Larry Foos, director of parks and recreation for the city, said a park employee told him the Dynamic Steppers had been practicing earlier in the day not far from Barry Sanders Field, but their whistles were confusing players in a youth league football game under way on the field.

The drill team was asked to move to another part of the park so their whistles would not interfere with the football game, Foos said.

"There was no conflict at all from that," he said. "They understood completely."

The brawl won't lead to changes in access or activities at the park, Foos said. To do that, he said, would be "an over-reaction" to Saturday's fight.

"I just believe this is one of those crazy, isolated incidents that happen once in a while," Foos said. "Thankfully, these incidents are rare."

Police may be asked to step up patrols at the park after ball games, he said, to discourage confrontations.

---

Reach Stan Finger at 268-6437 or sfinger@wichitaeagle.com.

We can only hope the Dynamic Steppers sell their TV movie rights.

Coming soon: HDYN's fall season TV reviews. HDYN will be your best bet for finding out what you're missing by not owning an HDTV and not spending as much money as I do on high-definition digital cable with DVR. Stay tuned!

Late Smurfin' postgame report

And now, only 26 hours late, the Big Yellow Nasty postgame wrap-up!

Not a lot of complaints about ASU's performance. Offense and defense were both solid, despite the fact that the secondary looked shaky early on, and special teams managed not to blow it. Sparky did a lot of pushups, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let's go to the student section.

Big time boos this game. First and foremost, a giant BS award for the Smurfs.

Stadium control has ditched their traditional grey polos for baby blues (hence the nickname). It's been awhile since I've seen the cartoon about the lovable, pint-sized communists, so I can't remember the exact Smurf who would patrol Smurf village relentlessly, throwing out anyone without a wristband, regardless of how empty and well-behaved the village was.

Was it Jerky Smurf? Pushy Smurf? Douchy Smurf? I-take-my-job-way-too-seriously Smurf?

By the third quarter, our Smurf on patrol revealed himself to be Horny Smurf, as he stopped scrutinizing everyone but scattered packs of hot girls.

All in a day's work, I guess, but I guarantee he didn't get Smurfed that night.

And if that's not enough mothersmurfin' bullsmurf, I've got another crap trophy for the man in the black cowboy hat and his girlfriend. Apparently, her cousin plays for Northwestern. Said cousin must also posses superhuman hearing (on par with Daredevil or possibly Superman), because the pair seemed pretty sure that he could hear every vulgar taunt Josh yelled out.

They turned around multiple times in an attempt to censor Josh, who said nothing that wasn't in the realm of typical student-section trash talk. Certainly, however, Daredevil could have singled Josh out.

Another boo to the frat whose pledges had to come to the game in really short running shorts. Gross.

A final boo goes to my pregame audio, which combines long pauses with drunken woo-hooing and fading signal for an audioblog post that's about as useful as the new wristband policy.

On a more positive note, big ups for some pushups. Crowd pushups, that is. And not your garden variety drunken frat guy crowd pushups.

You'll typically see a guy go up after an ASU score, doing one pushup (which is more like getting tossed up by some buddies) for every point, emulating the way Sparky does it.

This time, however, we had no fewer than eight different girls go up for crowd pushups. This is a huge victory for feminism and for guys who like to see girls bobbing up and down.

Also notable is that someone managed to hit Northwestern's quarterback with a tortilla as he was being pushed out of bounds.

But fan of the game goes to CareerBuilder.com, who gave out foam-rubber bananas before the game. Seeing those fly out of the stands was the next best thing to real bananas, which I dare somebody to bring next time.

Halftime audio from Norhwestern at ASU

Pregame audio from Northwestern at ASU

Apology for Big Yellow Nasty problems

Dear reader,

I want to let you know that everyone at turbizzi.blogspot.com shares your frustration with the early season technical problems with our college football content. I appreciate very much that you have chosen to read us and we value our relationship with you - fan to fan.

I want to apologize to you for the problems we've had and assure you that we are doing everything in our power to solve them and provide an experience that the best, most passionate sports fans on the Web deserve.

Our aim is to have our college football content operating normally for this Saturday's games. We will be updating you on our progress and resolution.

Reader, again we appreciate that you are reading us and we will do everything possible to make this a terrific experience for you this season.

Sincerely,

Juan Turbino
Senior Vice President and General Manager
Big Gold Nasty Sports Services

-----------------------------------------------

Okay, this isn't actually our apology. Juan Turbino isn't even a real guy, believe it or not. This apology came to all us Fantasy Football users from John Kosner, senior vice president and general manager of espn.com (I basically substituted "college football content" for "Fantasy Football" and "reading" for "playing with").

If you check out BYN's earlier post gripig about ESPN's poor Fantasy Football interface, you'll see that the problem is even worse than we thought. So bad, in fact, that the entire site was inaccessible most of Monday and Tuesday. The apology came Tuesday evening, and I couldn't even check to see how bad the Eat-A-Beans whupped Fiala until Wednesday morning.

That's it from sports.

Post game wrap from LSU at ASU

My phone died during the game, so I couldn't get the post game audio up. I was going to do it later, but that would take away from the spirit of the almost-live almost-podcast.

But what happened the rest of the game?

Things got a little hairy at the start of the fourth quarter. Up to that point, ASU had played some solid ball, but then the Devils' special teams turned into special ed.

LSU's Claude Wroten blocked a field goal in such a way that the ball bounced up and landed perfectly in his hands. There was nothing but grass between him and the end zone.

At this point, an irate ASU fan (whose friends all seemed like pretty cool kids) threatened an applauding Steven. I think Steven was pretty freaked out by this, and I decided to move him to the end of the aisle, where he would have an escape and be in view of the police standing at the bottom of the stairs. Steven claimed he had caught a water bottle on the chin.

I told him it was less than he deserved.

Fourth and 5 on its next drive, ASU (in the worst call I think I've ever seen coach Dirk Koetter make) decided to fake a punt and run for a first. It was a sad and obvious fake, and LSU was all over it. The panicked punter tried to kick it away rather than get taken down, and he kicked it right into the hands of Jacob Hester, who ran it back for another easy LSU touchdown.

I spent the whole game complaining about greed, arrogance and a lack of respect. Early on, LSU went for it on fourth down twice, once deep in their own zone, and once when they were easily in field goal range.

But this was a chance for ASU to be the better man. With the lead against a team of LSU's caliber and a defense that has allowed only seven points, you don't fake a punt in that situation. You kick it away.

Steven couldn't handle this. The girl in front of him was teasing him that he should run away, although I think ASU fans (trashy as we all are) realize that touchdown was nobody's fault but our own.

I tried to tell Steven that he was safe, but he elected to spend the remainder of the game in witness protection.

ASU had another chance for the win late in the fourth, and they made a string of solid passes to move downfield. But then, Sam Keller decided to throw three straight passes to a double-covered Derek Hagan.

Although Hagan played like an all-American and set the ASU record for career receptions, LSU wasn't going to let him catch a ball. It was a heart wrenching anti-climax.

The aforementioned cops wouldn't let us exit the front end of the student section, so instead of leaving, most of the fans just stood there. A few applauded ASU's effort, others cried out in rage, but most of us just stood, mouths agape, in utter disbelief at the emotional rollercoaster our team had just derailed.

It took forever to get out of the stadium.

Fan awards:
Fan of the game goes to Keg Stand Champion. This guy looked like a shorter, stockier Jason Bateman, and he was wearing one of those maroon and gold poofy-hair hats. I guess it's called a wiglid. I should probably get one.

He had painted his face before the game, and sweated it off to the point where he looked like he was half blushing, half jaundiced.

But that didn't stop him from getting up on hid buddies' shoulders time and again, leading us in chants of "A-S-U!" Yeah, he only knew one chant, but, damn it, it was a good one.

Dishonorable mention to my buddy Mike, who allegedly threw up on a girl. He was sitting in a different section, so I didn't see it.


Next week we officially kick off the tailgate season! Don't forget to watch new Family Guy tonight!

Coming soon in BYN: more beans! How to save money on DVDs! Festive recipes for September! Mad Dawg's stealing my acronym idea! And Turbizzi struggles with a debilitating neurological disorder that causes him to type semicolons instead of apostrophes! Don;t miss it!

Halftime audio from LSU at ASU

Emotions were running high at halftime, and things looked pretty good for a Sun Devils upset.

I had just gotten back from using the excellent row of troughs Sun Devil Stadium calls a restroom, and I had hit up the concession stand, where I waited a really long time to get $5 bottles of water for my entourage. They were liters, at least, and one wet my whistle well enough to keep me yelling throughout the third quarter.

My unsavory pals did not pay me back for the water, although my girlfriend paid me for hers, which I should have been buying in the first place (especially considering I would up drinking half of it). That $5 went to buying her dinner later, so I don't feel too bad.

Steven, as should be clear from the audio, came in full LSU colors with a hat commemorating LSU's so-called national champoinship in 2003-04 (we all know USC really won it that year, and the BCS is bunksville).

I told all the girls in our vicinity to berate him mercilessly, but they let me down for the most part.

More on Steven's saga in the post-game wrap.

Pre-game audio from LSU at ASU

Welcome back to pre-game audio! Get pumped up with this latest post!

Eat a Bean

It's football season, and that means lots of not-quite-legal gambling around the office and not leaving the house on Sundays, unless it's to go to a bar with projection TVs and Sunday Ticket, or, in my case, to go to work and wish you were at a bar with projection TVs and Sunday Ticket.

And beer specials and wings and nachos and oh, God, I'm gonna cry.

But, while I trade fun and chicken wings for Clif Bars and a paycheck, I'll still join millions of American males in living vicariously through my fantasy football team.

My primary league is through ESPN. I'm convinced that the only reason we're using ESPN is the commercials with hot girls in them, because the interface is piss-poor, and I feel like they're constantly trying to sell me something. And it's not like Yahoo!'s $10 upgrades. They want me to spend close to $100 to become an Insider, subscribe to ESPN the Magazine and upgrade my team for live stats and - here's the real kick in the teeth - injury reports.

So, unless I pay $29.95 (or the low, low price of $19.95 if I pay $39.95 a year or $6.95 a month for Insider and the magazine), I won't even know if my injured players are going to play any given Sunday.

But if I wanted to drop a bunch of money on fantasy football, I'd be in a league that had cash prizes. One guy I know is in a league that charges $100 to get in and $5 for every transaction.

While that sounds nuts, the winner gets a phat wad of cash, and everyone in the league is forced to take it seriously.

My other problem is that I hate taking anything seriously.

It is, on that note, that I unveil the logo for my fantasy team, the Philadelphia Eat-A-Beans:

You'll notice the irony right away: the bean looks like he's going to eat you! Wooooooo! More irony: it calls Philadelphia beautiful! Woooooooo!

This team commemorates the fact that I've got Donovan McNabb (who, for all you sports-illiterate readers, is the quarterback for the Eagles, which is the team from Philadelphia), and that the best TV comedy in this summer that was almost thoroughly devoid of good television, is called It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Don't listen to the people who say Starved is better. That show's just an interesting gimmick with uncomfortable plots. Always Sunny is a laugh riot with compelling characters and a bar. Regardless, FX is the only network that is bringing it this summer, although Fox is promising new Family Guy this Sunday after football.

All you classic Big Yellow Nasty fans worried about me turning this into a sports blog: I hope you appreciate that I worked in some pop culture analysis right there at the end.

Coming next time: the origin of "Eat a bean!" or Mac turns the bar into a biker bar, and Dee falls for the leader of the bike gang. Meanwhile, Dennis continues his affair with the girl from the coffee shop, but can he bring himself to tell Charlie?

Pre-game audio from Temple at ASU

WARNING: Audio posts are live and uncensored. May not be suitable for small children or hypersensitive oldsters.

Here's my first audioblog post from the ASU student Section at Sun Devil Stadium. I thought I made more, but I really don't know where they went. If those posts fail to show up, I'll just have to type in my Sun Devil Fan Experience summary somewhere else.